Moon Dancing in Mexico
In the spring this year, I bought a one-way ticket to Mexico for this October. Each full moon in October for the last three years, I have Moon Danced in Teotihuacan, Mexico. Each year, I have come down to Mexico to dance and then have immediately returned home to Canada. However, this year, I knew I was meant to stay in Mexico, but I had no idea why.
The Moon Dance is a relatively new ceremony, but it is deeply rooted in ancient wisdom. Unlike the Sun Dance, which is thousands of years old and originally practiced by Native American Plains men, the moon dance began just over 30 years ago and was established for those who identify as women. In 1992, a few wise Mexican grandmothers realized that the women within their communities were forgetting the ancient songs and dances. Like many earth-based peoples around the world, they understood that song and dance have the capacity to bring healing to people and their ancestors, and to the earth and cosmos. Although the Moon Dance was initiated in Mexico for Mexican women, there are now Moon Dances and moon dancers all over the world. The songs and dances transcend ethnicity and country of origin and connect to the soul of the dancer. Prior to a Moon Dance, a moon dancer creates prayer cloths, which hold the prayers and intentions for her dance.
It is my belief that our prayers begin to be answered from the moment we make our prayer cloths, into the Moon Dance, and over the course of the year until the following year´s dance. It has been my experience that the universe gifts us people and situations so that we make the decisions and changes we need to in order to bring our prayers into being.
This year, I completed my third Moon Dance. In my first two years, I put a lot of intention into the preparation of my moon dance. I made my prayer cloths months in advance, attended sweat lodges and saunas, practiced the songs, and spent months preparing to fast for the four days and four nights of the dance. However, this year I didn´t have the energy to prepare in this way.
Since March, I have been struggling with immense fatigue and trying to naturally heal my body from a chronic parasite. As a result, my capacity has been so low that I wondered if I could dance at all this year. However, two weeks before the dance, on the September new moon, I was called to create my prayer cloths. In that moment, I realized what my prayer was for dancing and why I was moving back to Mexico. I was dancing to fully free my inner little girl, and I was moving to Mexico to make her dreams come true.
When I moved to Mexico back in 2021 for a year, my life completely changed. A veil was lifted, and a world of magic was revealed. I discovered that another paradigm existed that was completely different from the one I grew up under. I realized that everything I had been taught over the course of my life was only one set of truths and one way of seeing and being in the world. With this newfound realization, my world began to unravel. I began to feel that many things I had been taught were not my truths. The way I was living was not how my true essence wanted to be in the world. For the first time in twenty years, I truly felt the little girl within me smile. This awakening was permission for her to come forward and for me to live my life in a new and, at the same time, very ancient way. A way of life that would be guided by my inner wisdom and not confined or dictated by my culture. For the first time, I understood that all that I dreamed of and all that I truly longed for was possible.
Although this realization felt like it happened overnight, living into this new way of being has been a daily practice since then. It feels like some days I fully embody this new essence and other days I regress into old habits, patterns, and limiting beliefs. The journey has been like a labyrinth, feeling at times close to my centre and at other times further away. However, I walk with a deep knowing that my journey is always in the direction of coming home to myself, to my inner little girl.
Five years ago, I moved to Mexico to remember this little girl, and I have now moved back to Mexico to completely set her free. My Moon Dance this year, I knew, was to be a portal for her to step through and truly guide the rest of my journey home to myself.
Traditionally, other than pregnant women and adolescent girls, the Moon Dance is done while fasting for four days. However, in recent years, an option to do a partial fast has been introduced with the understanding that women are coming to the dance from all walks of life. For my first two years, I felt a deep call to fast and the experiences gifted me more than I can express. However, I knew deep within me this year that there was no way I could fast. Rather, I felt a deep need to nourish my body. I knew this nourishment meant that I needed more food than what would be offered under the partial fast. In knowing this, I brought a large bag of oatmeal, nuts, and seeds with me, even though it is frowned upon.
When I arrived at the Moon Dance this year, the grandmothers leading the dance opened by sharing the importance of doing the Moon Dance as it is intended, which includes fasting or at least partial fasting. Hearing their guidance, I began to question myself and what I knew deep down that I needed. An internal battle began within me, where one voice was telling me I would not get the medicine from the dance if I ate, and another voice was begging me to take care of myself. I have gotten so much out of my Moon Dances in previous years and have transformed so much because of them, but deep down, I associated the transformation with my ability to fast and push my body and mind to their physical and mental limits, respectively.
Interestingly, each year, there has been a moment during the Moon Dance where my intuition has guided me to do something differently from how we are instructed. In previous years, I have doubted my intuition and sought guidance from the elders of the dance. However, each time their advice countered my inner knowing and what I knew was right for me. After each encounter, I was called to go deeper within me and return to the guidance within. From my past experiences, I knew this year not to talk to the elders about my situation, but to trust the intuitive guidance coming from within me. In spite of this, a critical voice from within questioned me and my decision.
For the first two days, I hid in my tent and ate secretly. I was hiding the fact that I was eating because I didn´t fully trust myself, and that I was making the best decision. I felt my strength came from fasting, and in turn, felt a sense of guilt and weakness from eating. I was also hiding becuase I was afraid of being seen and judged by others as weak.
However, I realized that hiding any parts of myself and presenting myself in any other way than how I am in each moment is not a sign of strength, but of disconnection. I realized on a deep level that my inner strength comes from honouring who I am and allowing myself to be seen for where I am at in each moment, even when it may counter the advice of others. I discovered that the medicine that I have received from the dance hasn´t come becuase I have fasted, but becuase I have listened to and honoured the wise voice within me.
On the morning of the third day, I was able to see the critical voice for what it was, and I stopped hiding and ate openly.I realized the desire to nourish my body was a request by my inner little girl to nourish her. When I came out of hiding and accepted myself for where I was at, I was really accepting her. I was honouring this little girl who was never swayed by authority, concerned with appearances, or caught up in ego. I countered the advice of the Grandmothers, but I honoured the guidance of her!
Although there are roughly 500 dancers at these Moon Dances, I have found it really challenging to have truly deep connections with other women, other than with the friends I have invited to the dance. However, this year, as I stopped hiding the parts of myself, I allowed the light of who I actually am to shine through. In doing so, I was telling the little girl within me that it was safe to be fully seen. When I released the judgment of myself, I was no longer afraid to be judged, rejected, or criticized by others. As a result, I felt good in my own decisions, my own body, and my own company. The imperfectly perfect little girl in me was able to come through, and she was able to connect with other women who allowed the imperfectly perfect little girls within them to come through, too.
For me, this experience was another reminder of how on each of our paths there will be elders, guides, and teachers, but none of them hold the wisdom that we hold within. aThe true elder, guide, and teacher is the inner child within each of us that holds the true essence of who we are. When we connect to them, we connect to our own truths and our unique way of seeing and being in the world. Each time we listen to them, we deconstruct the paradigm that kept them hidden from us in the first place. All we need to do is listen. When we listen, we will receive the guidance we need. When we take steps on this guidance, we will bring them home to us and set ourselves free.
I have come to Mexico to do just that!
P.S. On the final morning of the moon dance, my wild inner little girl took over my body. It was ecstasy. I looked around, and I didn´t see women dancers, but 500 little girls singing and dancing in joy. It is my prayer that what I experienced and saw that morning ripples out to all of us. May the inner children within all of us be free!