Choosing Vulnerability over Perfection

Earlier this spring, I sat in on a women’s circle. The woman leading the circle shared how she was uncomfortable because she normally held space when she was put together, but today she was arriving without having her makeup and hair done. Instantly, my heart resonated with hers. I felt safe in her company, and I became more connected with what she shared. Why? Because I related to her and this idea of wanting to show certain aspects of myself and hide others. She was being honest and vulnerable.

Then, a month or so later, I was taking a course held by an expert in manifestation. She shared how she sometimes still has these catastrophic limiting beliefs. At that moment, I felt more connected to her than I had before. It wasn’t because I wanted her to have limiting beliefs, but again, because she was willing to be honest and vulnerable.

Fast forward to last month: I went to a women’s festival, and one of the organizers shared that she felt she needed to keep it all together and not share the messy parts of herself because she was in a leadership position. Although I appreciated her vulnerability in sharing this with me, I disagreed.

My heart resonated so deeply with the first two women, because they were breaking an unspoken rule that has been set out for us by our culture. Be Perfect! And if you don’t feel perfect, hide it.

However, perfection is a persona we have been conditioned to embody, especially as women, because we have learned that there are certain parts of ourselves that are not okay, too much, or wrong, and as a result we need to hide, overcome or rid ourselves of them. In turn, perfection becomes something we strive for to protect ourselves from facing the original woundings that caused us to feel unworthy or unlovable in the first place. Ultimately, we are perfecting ourselves in order to feel acceptance and belonging. However, it is this perfection that is inhibiting us from being our real selves and finding the belonging that our souls seek.

As children, a huge part of our development required us to form healthy attachments. For many of us, there were moments when we had to choose between authenticity and acceptance, and to develop and survive, we chose acceptance.  Although acceptance supported our development as children, acceptance over authenticity impedes our development as adults, as it creates an inner separation from our true selves. At some point, many of us have, unconsciously or consciously, spent precious time and money trying to be people that are not in alignment with the women that we came here to be.

A few weeks ago, I was talking with a friend about leadership. She shared how we have been taught to become an expert in something and lead from that place. This style of leadership is often top-down and hierarchical in nature. Generally, in this style of leadership, mistakes are not discussed or even hidden. This style of leadership has permeated into our psyches and made us feel that we need to be perfect and have all the answers in order to be respected.

However, we are living in a time of incredible transition and transformation. Old systems are breaking down, and new ones are emerging. We have chosen to be here on Earth at this time because we are the CYCLE BREAKERS. We are the ones who came to break the unspoken rules that have kept us separate from ourselves and each other. I deeply believe that the illusion of perfection is one of the major cycles that we are being called to collectively break. And to break this cycle, we need to tap into our vulnerability, humility and acceptance of our imperfections, because these are the ingredients that make up our humanity.

When the woman at the women’s festival shared that she wasn’t allowed to share the messy parts of herself, at that moment she was still believing the unspoken rule that we have learned: be perfect to be respected. However, something sacred happens when we choose vulnerability over perfection; we permit and inspire others to do the same. When we choose vulnerability, we are breaking the cycle of perfection for the ones that come. What a gift to give to ourselves, each other and to this world.