Inanna’s Descent Became My Descent

There is a sacred Sumerian myth about the Goddess and Queen of Heaven, Inanna and her descent into the underworld. In the myth, Innana embarks on a journey to meet with her grieving sister and Queen of the Underworld, Ereshkigal. The Gods warn Inanna not to go on the journey, but she feels culpable for the death of her sister’s husband and knows she must go. She makes the descent from heaven to earth and into the underworld. However, before entering the underworld, she advises her trusted and loyal servant, Ninshubur, to call on each of the Gods for help if she doesn’t return. Upon entering the underworld, Innana passes through seven gates, and each time, a piece of her magnificent regalia is removed until she enters the final gate, naked and vulnerable. There, she is met by her raging and grieving sister, Ereshkigal. In her rage, Ereshkigal kills Innana and hangs her corpse upon a meathook to rot. Ninshubur intuits that Inanna has been killed and travels far and wide, pleading with each of the Gods to take pity upon Inanna and bring her back to life. Each God refuses until she finally reaches God Enki, who is also Innana’s father. Enki takes pity upon Inanna and sends two Galla, androgynous beings that represent the food of life and the water of life, to go and resuscitate Inanna. However, they are advised by Enki that to do so, they must first console Ereshkigal. When the Galla arrive in the underworld, Inanna's corpse has been hanging for three days and three nights, and they meet a grieving Ereshkigal. The Galla go on either side of Ereshkigal and console her, acknowledging the parts of her that are hurt and broken. Ereshkigal is moved by the compassion she has been shown and, in her gratitude, offers the Galla anything that they wish. She offers them various riches, but they inform her that all they want is Inanna. Their request is permitted, and they resuscitate Inanna, giving her the food and water of life. Inanna makes the ascent back from the underworld and takes her place as Queen of Heaven once again. However, Inanna hasn’t returned as the same Goddess, but one that embodies the whole divine feminine of life and death, light and shadow. Inanna is only able to come into her full luminosity and power as she has met with and integrated her shadow, represented by her sister.

Inanna made her journey into the underworld over 5,000 years ago, but her story remains inscribed on sacred tablets for us to remember. Inanna’s story is also written in the stars, in Venus’s journey through the solar system, as they are considered the same Goddess. Venus’s journey from a morning star, falling below the horizon and reappearing as an evening star, marks the journey of Inanna’s descent from heaven to the underworld and back again. Every eight earth years, Venus also makes a pentagram or five-petaled rose pattern in the sky, a symbol of the Great Goddess and the divine feminine. Inanna’s story and the journey of Venus are symbolic of the heroine’s journey and the initiations that we must take to become the queen of our heaven, aka our own bodies. 

Inanna’s story is an ancient one, but it is also deeply relevant for us today. At various times, we hear the call to descend to face our shadows to reclaim the light within us. At these times, we are often asked to leave all our comforts and what we know behind. Innana’s story gives us the promise of hope that we will make it through, come back changed and rebirthed anew.  

Today, April 12, Venus stations direct, meaning she finishes her retrograde cycle, and Inanna has made her ascent from the underworld, finishing a descent journey that began on March 1.

When Venus was at her highest point in the night sky on February 17, I was gifted a transmission from her in a dream. I was unaware of Venus’s rose pattern through the sky at this time and was called to activate the rose within my womb. In the middle of the night, I went and drew a giant rose on a snow-covered lake and sat on top of it and activated the rose within my womb. On March 1, the time when Venus went retrograde and Inanna began her descent, I was called out in the middle of the night to walk to a forest and put rose petals on the earth and meditate. For three weeks, each night, I was called to descend into my own underworld, where I walked the forest alone in the dark for hours. At first this process felt invigorating as I was called to hold rituals and was receiving deep affirmations from the process. But then I felt totally out of control as I was called out at all hours of the night. I thought this was what I needed to do to move through my fears of the dark and being in the forest alone. However, by day 15, I felt sleep deprived, anxious and terrified of what I was going to be called out to do next. I no longer felt grounded and in my body but dysregulated and afraid. The process went on for three weeks and culminated with three nights of initiations, where I was stripped of everything, like Inanna.

By the end of the initiation, experience or whatever it was, I felt deeply traumatized to the point where I could only lay on the forest edge and cry. I had so much longing to be held by Mother Earth, and at the same time, I felt terrified of her. I left the experience feeling so depleted and confused. I didn’t understand how in some ways I could be so intuitive and hear messages from the land and star systems and at the same time allow myself to be so misguided.

I was left with so many questions. How could I do this to myself? Was I meant to do what I just did? What parts of it were intuition and what parts of it were my mind? Had I permanently destroyed my relationship with Mother Earth? How could I lead in this sacred work if I continued to make such big mistakes?

For over a week, I shook, woke with night sweats, grieved and cried. I couldn’t sleep for more than a few hours at a time, and I no longer could calm my mind in meditation. I literally could see my shadow and grief hovering around me like a giant black cloud. I wanted to begin creating again because I had practically abandoned my projects due to this process. However, I knew from previous experiences that nothing authentic, true and meaningful would be birthed from me if I didn’t face this shadow. So, moment by moment, I sat with shadow, and like the Galla with Ereshkigal, I consoled myself and felt it all.

I realize now that this was, in fact, an initiation, rebirthing me deeper into love, foremost for myself. This initiation involved me healing the wounded masculine within me and claiming the divine masculine that wanted to emerge. We all have masculine and feminine energies within us, and they either operate from a wounded or healthy place. The feminine is what dreams, intuits and feels and the masculine is what responds to those same dreams, intuitions and feelings. If we are operating from a place of a wounded masculine, we take actions out of a place of fear. If we are operating from a place of a healthy or divine masculine, we take actions out of inspiration.

I had deeply internalized that to awaken, I must meet every fear, so like a strong male warrior, I went out each night to try and conquer my fears. However, in doing so, I was overriding and rejecting my emotions and the parts of me that were scared and saying, “This is too much”. The feminine in me was saying stop, and the unhealthy masculine within me wasn’t listening. I had internalized that I needed to be “brave” and that I would be a failure if I didn’t complete the mission. In going on this descent, I have been asked to grieve and comfort the parts of me that have been abandoned and not listened to. This has involved healing the wounded masculine that has long existed in me, a product of our unhealthy culture’s views of what it means to be brave and strong and my own internalized beliefs about masculinity. I am walking the path of the Goddess, daily honouring the divine feminine within me. However, she has long been unsupported by an uninitiated and wounded masculine. My ascension from the underworld came from healing the wounded masculine and beginning the journey of reclaiming the divine masculine within me.

At the end of the myth, when Inanna journeys back accompanied by the guards of the underworld, she is told she cannot leave without having someone take her place. The guards try to take various beings like her servant, Ninshubur and her children. However, Inanna refuses because they are all wearing mourning clothes, showing that they are grieving her suspected death. However, when they come upon her husband, Dumuzi, he is not wearing mourning clothes, nor grieving. Inanna is furious and commands that the guards take her husband in her place.

I never understood this part of the myth and how the masculine played into the story. What was the symbolism of them taking her husband?

I see now that Inanna, having initiated herself into the mysteries of soul and the underworld, couldn’t be with an uninitiated partner. She had cultivated her own divine feminine and masculine energy through listening to her intuition and descending to the underworld. Dumuzi was uninitiated into the mysteries of the soul and embodied a wounded masculine, only acknowledging his light. His unwillingness to grieve Inanna shows his inability to access his own grief and sadness, his shadow. In our modern context, this wounded masculine is internalized through only acknowledging growth, ascension and light and disregarding emotion, shadow and the call to the underworld. It is also internalized through beliefs on what it means to be strong and brave.

Dumuzi needed to be sent to the underworld for his own initiation, so he too can claim his wholeness. There are so many myths and stories that talk about the life, death and rebirth nature of women and our descent to soul. However, here is a myth that includes an initiation journey that involves both men and women. This story emulates how we all need to heed the call to meet our shadows to obtain our wholeness. If we don’t listen to our intuition and heed the call like Innana, we may just be taken by greater forces, like Dumuzi.

The beauty from this deeply traumatizing and challenging initiation process is that I am being rebirthed into a more whole and powerful version of myself. I am being called to walk my path where my inner masculine is humbly in service to my inner feminine. I am realising that great self-compassion and humility are needed to walk and lead the path that I long to. I truly see now that being brave is not about walking alone in the dark at night but rather about compassionately facing the voices within that told me I needed to in the first place. I am truly realizing that the deeper I can be with my sadness and grief, the more access I have to my creativity, pleasure and love. I am walking the land again, walking slower and listening deeper. And I am creating again from a deeper connection within myself and Mother Earth.

With love,
Laurel